Setting the Stage for a Dance Dream
“I’m dreaming of becoming a pro Kathak dancer. I just have to commit to it.”
That was the pep talk I gave myself one January evening. It wasn’t just a passing thought—it was the thought, the kind that hangs in the air like a drumbeat in an empty room. Fresh off accepting a job at a publishing company, I had decided to create a list of personal and professional goals for the year. Somewhere between “be better at networking” and “read more,” I wrote: Master Kathak.
Kathak, a major form of Indian classical dance, holds a special place in my heart. It’s an intricate blend of music, dance, and storytelling, and it’s deeply rooted in the region I grew up in. As a kid, I dabbled in it—learning a few steps here, abandoning them there. The joy of watching the performances stuck, but the practice never did. Every time I tried again, I’d convince myself, “Maybe I’m just not meant to do this.”
But adulthood is all about rewriting narratives, right? So, eager to prove my inner skeptic wrong, I signed up for lessons. My best friend, ever the cheerleader, called me “ambitious.” I mistook her tone for admiration. Turns out, she was issuing a veiled warning.
Reality Hits Harder Than a Tabla Beat
Starting the lessons was easy. Sticking to them? Not so much. My first two weeks at the publishing job were an endless whirl of onboardings and training sessions, leaving me drained by the end of each day. Kathak classes, scheduled after work, became less of a joyful escape and more of an endurance test.
Each session felt like a ticking clock. Instead of savoring the rhythm and movements, I spent most of the time counting down until I could collapse on my couch. My sore ankles seemed to mock me every step of the way.
Four months in, I quit. Not just Kathak—this wasn’t some neat epiphany about prioritizing my energy—but the idea that this was even a goal. My professional life had swallowed up whatever personal ambition I had left. And frankly, I was too scared of failing to stick around and see if I could succeed.
The Three Mistakes That Ruined My Goal
- Ignoring the obvious hurdles
Time. Energy. Balance. These are all words I should have scribbled next to my goal in bright red ink. But I didn’t. Instead, I underestimated how much effort it would take to juggle a demanding job and something as immersive as dance.
Psychologists call this the “planning fallacy.” It’s when we overestimate how much we can achieve in a given timeframe, often ignoring our own past experiences. Optimism bias kicks in, and we convince ourselves that this time will be different. Spoiler: it wasn’t.
- Biting off more than I could chew
Instead of starting small—say, committing to a class every other week—I jumped straight to “I’ll become a pro.” In hindsight, this was a rookie mistake. As Allison Walsh explains, we’re far more likely to succeed if we build momentum gradually.
If I’d approached Kathak as a leisurely outlet rather than a grand project, I might’ve actually found the time and energy to keep going.
- Setting a goal for the wrong reasons
My desire to master Kathak wasn’t purely about love for the art form. It was also about proving something to myself (and maybe others). When we tie our goals to our self-esteem, the stakes get impossibly high.
As the weeks dragged on, my fear of failing became paralyzing. Instead of treating mistakes as part of the learning process, I saw them as signs that I wasn’t cut out for this.
What Gets in the Way of Our Goals?
If you’re nodding along, thinking, This sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Here are some universal roadblocks that can derail even the best-laid plans:
- Overthinking the finish line
Focusing too much on the end result—whether it’s mastering Kathak or acing a career milestone—can overshadow the small wins along the way. As Eduardo Briceño writes, we need to shift our mindset from results to process. - Perfectionism
Many of us set unattainable standards for ourselves. The trick, as Elizabeth Grace Saunders suggests, is embracing self-compassion. Learning to forgive yourself for not being perfect can actually help you move forward. - Rigid goals
Life isn’t static, so why should our goals be? Lauren Kuykendall and Valerie Tiberius remind us that goals should be flexible. Adapting them as circumstances change isn’t failure—it’s strategy.
A Different Approach: Finding Joy in the Practice
If I could do it all over again, I’d start by redefining success. Instead of aiming to “master” Kathak, I’d focus on enjoying the process—one step, one spin, one story at a time. Goals aren’t trophies; they’re tools for self-discovery.
And maybe that’s the lesson here. Whether you’re trying to learn a new skill, improve your career, or simply get through the week, success isn’t about how quickly you cross the finish line. It’s about the journey (yes, I went there).
So, here’s to failing, learning, and failing some more. Because sometimes, the biggest win is just showing up.
Recommended Reads
- Don’t Set Your Goals in Stone—Mold Them Like Clay
Everything is adaptable. Your goals should be too. - Will You Make Good on Your New Year’s Resolution?
Three books to help you keep your promises to yourself. - 3 Ways We Sabotage Our Goals (and How to Stop)
Hint: It’s not the destination; it’s the learning. - To Reach Your Goals, Embrace Self-Compassion
Let go of perfectionism and move forward. - What Stops Us From Achieving Our Goals
Break your resistance with habits, not grand gestures.
And remember: It’s okay to stumble. Just make sure you keep dancing.
